That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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