Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
