i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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