Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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