My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
