You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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