butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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