Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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