$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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