i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
