The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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