How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
