you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
