To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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