sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
