she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
