dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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