someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
