.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
