My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
