I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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