I feel like abortions should bother me more
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
