just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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