You're my little dorito
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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