I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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