porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
