Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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