There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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