you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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