My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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