i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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