Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
