I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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