you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
