my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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