I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
