Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
