I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
