Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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