I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
