forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
