Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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