You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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