you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
