so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
