I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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