PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
When are your genitals available?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
