You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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