yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
