you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
