She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
