I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao