Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
