ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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