Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
