Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
