hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This toilet bowl is my home.
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