Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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