So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
