I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
