Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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