Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
