I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
