I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
