conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
