guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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