he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
