I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
