he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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