I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
